Every type has a “doorslam”, but the “INFJ doorslam” is a very different mechanism.
For other types, a ‘doorslam’ is typically a conscious, emotionally-driven decision made to break free of a toxic or wounding influence.
In contrast, for INFJ, their specific and noteable ‘doorslam’ is characterized by an abrupt and irreconcilable cessation of emotional and intimacy attachment. It’s an unconscious, immediate emotional shut-down… not a decision or resolution of any type.
It typically coincides with an Ni-driven realization that a relationship is irreconcilable and has no future. This may be the INFJs “gut-feeling” far in advance, but is over-ridden by an Fe-focused necessity to maintain harmonization and empathize with their partner’s failings. Eventually, the subconscious aspect of Ni reasserts itself and, suddenly, the artificiality of Fe harmonization vanishes… leaving nothing.
Once it’s occured, the INFJ has no emotional connection to the other person whatsoever – no grief, no anger, no regret, no sadness. Not even numbness – the other person just becomes as an irrelevance or as complete stranger to them.
They’ll have suffered and resolved those stages internally prior to the door-slam actually occuring. It’s a long, silent torture of intuitive anticipation behind an Fe-necessitated smiling and ‘loving’ mask.
It’s more akin to what you’d expect from emotional surpression – but that’s also a different mechanism (and has potentially harmful long-term effects). The INFJ isn’t “surpressing” anything.
The total absence of emotionality when it happens can cause the INFJ anxiety – at least, the first time we experience it. It feels like, what I can only imagine, a narcissist must be like… except, of course, the INFJ worries and dislikes the sensation, whereas a narcissist relishes it.
INFJ can be very cold people sometimes; it’s something we’re acutely aware of, and typically don’t like about ourselves. Any true INFJ will tell you that they’re very cognizant of the “dark” aspects of their personality – but what we understand of that blackness is also our most guarded self. We rarely, if ever, would share that with anyone.
The cognitive operational mechanism of an “INFJ Doorslam” is quite unique to the Ni-Fe-Ti cognitive stack.
I’ve further described my perception of an INFJ doorslam here:
I’ve tried to explain how the cognitive function process operates here: