INFJ (MBTI Personality Type)

On INFJ Relationship Insecurities

by Andy Davis.

INFJ can have real problems with relationships, particularly in regard to feeling insecure. There is a possible explanation for this in the maturity or suppression of the INFJ cognitive function stack.

This explanation should be considered as a possible source of relationship insecurities; unless there’s evidence of past emotional trauma, which could provoke fear-of-abandonment and anxious-attachment style issues.

Absent any abnormal or severe trauma, many INFJ insecurities can arise from under-developed or immature cognitive functions. INFJ specifically have two cognitive maturity issues, which often aren’t resolved until later in life:

Firstly, the dominant introverted Intuition (Ni) perceiving function can be delayed in maturity when educational systems place pressure on more logical, rational means of cognition or memory-driven factual recollection.

In school, there is typically much more emphasis on introverted Thinking (Ti) use, and that would never be as fluid or natural for a young INFJ. Nonetheless, the ultimate consequence is that Ti development will be encouraged, at the expense of more prefered and natural Ni growth.

Under-developed Ni will cause the INFJ to second-guess, dispute or ignore their perceiving intuitions of future outcome. In short, they’ll feel deeply insecure because they won’t trust what their gut tells them about how a relationship is developing.

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At worst, they’ll Ni-Ti “loop” and become ever more stressed – simultaneously demanding more and more evidence from their partner that the relationship is secure and going somewhere.

“Is this relationship going somewhere”?

Am I secure to trust in it”?

Will it fail and hurt me”?

Their dominant Ni should normally provide that reassurance but, being under-developed, they seek external reassurances instead.

Secondly, INFJ, especially males, can suffer from repressed or under-developed auxiliary extroverted Feeling (Fe).

The feminine-associated Fe tends to be scorned in a masculine dominated peer cultures, so any INFJ immersed in such a culture may become motivated to suppress their use of that function.INFJ females can also repress their Fe if trying to fit into male cultures, especially in the workplace.

Suppression of the Fe can cause the tertiary Ti to become the judging ‘co-pilot’ that advises their perceiving Ni and this can lead to severe problems.

Under-developed auxiliary Fe will hinder the INFJ from fully understanding their partners feels and emotions.

Do you really love me“?

Why don’t I feel your love“?

The INFJ with immature Fe will more often seek external reassurance from their partner to compensate for a reduced ability to emote and intuit their partner’s feelings.

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This can manifest as continually asking for reassurances, being clingy and/or doubting their partner’s sincerity.

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